Doing it for the kids......

Well,once again a lapse in blogging but never fear i am here lol and am going to try and do it far more regularly,i think it will actually help me to stay on track to be honest. Anyway,my last blog entry was about me starting the cambridge diet,let me just start by saying my lord,how the HELL do these people last on this plan?!!!the results are undeniable and fast too but my god only lasted for a couple of days and i literally felt like i was going crazy,proper chew your own shoes mental, i have never felt such hunger in my life,i thought i have felt hungry before,starving in fact but ohhhhh no!nothing like this. Everyone kept saying once i would get in ketosis the hunger would vanish,that everything would become so much easier,but seriously if you can actually get to that point then congrats to you because i have never felt so depressed and low in all my life,i thought that going on cambridge would enable me to stop thinking about food but the reality is that you actually don't stop thinking about it,every second of every day its on your mind like your some depraved food maniac,and although if you can stick it and get the results you want the amount of people on the actual forums that doing it for a third or fourth time is staggering,sounds like an easy quick fix.it isn't. Anyhow, I'm now back at slimming world for the first time in three weeks having put on 2.5 pounds which i was actually quite pleased with given my break but i have signed up for the charity slim a thon which as I've started a week late is only 5 weeks for me,but as well as helping the children's charity i think knowing that i could be doing some good to them will spur me on,get me back on the straight and narrow :) i also have read a book called run fat bitch run which i must say is a fantastic read!and let me tell you,it certainly gets you out walking/jogging/running and this is coming from someone who the mere thought of jogging gets me in a sweat,I'm even thinking of signing myself up for a run at some point, i have a long way to go in my journey and have only lost about an average of 1 pound a week but each pound is a step closer and i just want to get there now so I'm plowing on with a refreshed energy and am learning that maybe feeling hungry now and then is actually a good thing. Most people think that weightless is just an image thing but its far far from it,its a whole complete change of who you are how you view things how your basically changing the whole person you have become,when your fat people just see you as lazy and greedy and when your anorexic its seen as a sickness which is so unfair,people will never change their opinions on this but we as people can change into who we want to be and by that point who give a fig what anyone else thinks be who you want to be be happy :)    

committing the ultimate diet betrayal......

Well, it has certainly been a while since i have wrote a blog,my upmost apologies! i think i should have as i may have helped someone going through the same as myself, but i hit a complete diet meltdown and was, if I'm honest, too busy thinking about food then anything else. Which is also a reason why i have come to my diet decision.....dun dun duuuunnn!!! lol :) sorry,had to be dramatic. I've decided to give the Cambridge diet a try....I know know!!! All of my slimming world die hard followers will probably be hating me right now but before you disown me in the dieting world let me explain..... I have been struggling for a while now on slimming world, not cause of the plan,or cause of the food,both are fantastic,but because i honestly feel like i need a break from constantly thinking about food, to get my head in gear to tackle these weight issues and demonds in my head, i know some may see this as stupid but weightless isn't a one size fits all and what works for some may not work for someone else and I'm not going to lie to myself and say my issues with eating and food can be solved overnight and by doing slimming world and say I'm fixed,I'm not,far from it in fact,i find having to deal with food everyday just complicates things in my brain at the moment so i thought what have i got to lose by starting cambridge?its worth a go right? so today i have started, and not am i huuuuuungry!!!!lol :) as expected,I'm waiting for that magic fourth day when you apparently stop feeling hungry,heres hoping!i shall keep you all informed of my weightless journey and hopefully this will be the start of the end of my food troubles,hopefully whilst abstaining from food,at least for a little while will help me in tackling my food issues and get me on the right road to a healthy forever.

Next stop frustration city......

Hello my lovelies :) sorry haven't blogged as much as i would like to,have been feeling so tired lately, i think i may have an iron deficiancy,probably as i dont eat a lot of meat so ive started taking some multivitamins with iron in so hopefully that will help, anyway enough of that. I have had such a hard time since just before christmas,im now back into 'negative weightloss' (back into losing after christmas weight gain) but it's becoming rather a struggle,some days im raring to go and then others my motivation totally lacks me,and although i havent gained any weight it feels like im getting bigger as i feel i should be smaller by now. I thought i would be smaller now,which if im honest im a bit disappointed in and i think that is probably what is giving me my lack of oomph as so to speak,i think if i could really see the results then i would be a bit more inspired by myself. I am really going to try and push it these next three days before weigh in to see if i can lose my 2 pounds to get my club 10,or maybe even 4 if im lucky to get my two stone award,i think once ive pushed that two stone barrier i may feel differently,i hope so,i am my own worse critic. I have been losing 3 then maintaing then losing 3 then a maintain this week so averaging 1.5 a week but its frustrating as i feel even though im not perfect i really have changed my total way of eating and feel i shouls be a smaller person now!lol but these things dont happen overnight i know but if i could just lose two pound everyweek i would be the happiest girl in the world so i really am gonna try and make that happen,think i need to get back to basics. 

half week in to six week challenge

Hi everybody,thought now would be the perfect time to do my blog as i actualy have 5 mins :) well im now well into the first week of my 6 week challenge and i have to say im really trying my hardest and after a night out of dancing and drinking perhaps a little too many syns of vodka i feel refreshed,i felt a teensy bit good about myself,a little bit of confidence shimmied its way in to my head and has given me a bit of a refreshed boost i think i much needed :) it was nice to get dolled up and put on my gladrags,albeit in a lot bigger sizes than i want to be in but was nice all the same and im sure the dancing will somehow have cancelled out some of the vodka ;) ive been struggling since a little before christmas with being 100% on plan and although i havent eaten what i used to some old habits do creep in a little and it is hard to get your head back in the dieting game as so to speak. I hate those weightwatcher adverts about "playing weightwatchers" i find it a bit of an insult really to all us people out there that want to lose weight,its not a game,its not really that much fun (apart from the actual losing weight getting smaller and buying new clothes part lol) and it can really test your mental health!seriously!you feel sad angry desperate and sometimes its hard to even face food let alone thinking about cooking it,but these days do pass,some times it takes a little while,some times it takes a long while and sometimes not all of us are ready at this precise moment for such a big life changing thing but if there is one thing that kickstarted my brain on saturday was that i do want to go out more and i do want to feel confident and i do want to love myself and feel happy and i dont want my life to be dictated by what i weigh and what clothes size i wear,my journey started lass year and it certainly hasnt stopped and i will keep battling on until ive won this war,because being worst enemies with your body is like being friends with the devil. A good friend of mine said to me last week that i shouldnt let my weight hold me back,which sounds simple enough,but it finally clicked,life doesnt just stop when your losing weight,moments will come and go and before you know it half your life will have flashed by without you even realising it. I have spent most of my life doing this and i think what a shame as its me that is holding me back,why should life start once i become thinner?it should start now,now that ive started these changes,and although i wont always believe my own words this is certainly true and im certainly going to try my hardest whilst losing my weight for it not to hold me back anymore.

challenges and weightloss deadlines...

Well after my little dieting melt down i havent blogged since as my head has been a bit out of the dieting game as so to speak,i havent been on plan and have just had a break,something im sure il regret on the scales come wednesday,but i just felt i needed to kind of clear my head a little and now im ready and raring to go as of tommorow,even though i havent been very bad today anyway. Because of my little blip and slight mini breakdown last week i have set myself a challenge,a weightloss challenge which is as follows- from this wednesday im giving myself 6 weeks to lose a stone,which is totally do-able when your as big as i am,and im really going to try my up most hardest to do it,plenty of super free,plenty of body magic and see if i can do it. If i cant then i am going to give cambridge a try. Im confident i can succeed in my challenge and have fantastic support at my slimmingworld group so we shall see how i get on. The thing is,slimmingworld is brilliant,and i really cant rave about it enough,there is no doubt in my mind it really has changed my life and has reset it in terms of thinking about the sort of foods that are good and healthy to eat,and if i do somehow fail at my challenge and do cambridge i will defo still follow the slimmingworld plan afterwards,but im hoping i can prove to myself that i can do it with slimmingworld and slimmingworld alone so come wednesday let the challenge commence......

sick and so very tired

Well today has been a bad day to say the least,last night was my weigh in and i lost,drum roll please.......half a pound.yes thats right,you read right,half a pound,and im not a happy bunny. I AM SO SICK OF HAVING WEIGHT ISSUES! I am so sick of having to watch what i eat,of planning every meal,most of my whole life pretty much to date has so far evolved around food and what goes in my mouth. From a child of just 5 being teased and bullied for being a 'fatty' to then losing weight in my teens to being anorexic then attempting to be bulimic to drugs,diet pills-both illegal and legal to being how i am now. All i want is to feel good,to look good,to wear what i want not what i have too,to not obsess and think about food every second of the fucking day! I was even thinking of trying the cambridge diet instead of slimming world to completely eliminate food until my head is properly in order,there is no doubt in my mind that slimming world is definetly the best plan completely for a healthy life style and also a fantastic way of eating but its just not coming off quick enough for me i feel. I know people say 'the slower it comes off the more it will stay off' which i am in no illusion of,i just feel ive wasted so many years of my life waiting and wanting to be beautiful,wanting to be the beautiful friend not the fat funny one in the corner who over compensates for her fatness by talking to much,when will it be my turn? im in such a quandry about what to do,do i stick with slimming world or do i give cambridge a go?please someone tell me what to do cause il be fucked if know........

Troublesome syns..........

Hi all,well this is my second blog and after having a fierce I am woman hear me roar day on slimming world today I have felt a bit wobbly,namely because I stupidly decided to have four delicious but ever so naughty hob nobs this morning thus using most of my daily syn allowance before the day has got started-big mistake,cause immediately after you think you can't have anymore of something you want it,so I have felt a bit wobbly,a bit shakey and wanting to raid the rest of the hob nobs or just generally be a bit naughty,a bit synful,but alas,I have si far managed to resist temptation,but on some days if those biscuits were here I would demolish them. This is indeed my weak point and normally I have to remove temptation as my willpower is not that of steel,more like cotton wool :) Another thing spurring me on is an impending shopping visit to London I have coming up the end of April which I'm so excited about,and I want to lose another three stone if I can by then as I don't want to still be shopping for things that make me look like 70's throwback carpet!lol hope you are all well if anyone actually reads my blog and keep strong it will be worth it in the end and also I need to take my own advice ;) xx